Osaka Wanderings, Social Ponderings, Typhoon Pre-warnings

Had a bank holiday weekend equivalent here so I booked a trip to Osaka , japans second largest city. I tried to cram a lot in to a 48 hour window there and a lot of ground was covered but similar to Tokyo report, I can’t really fully make heads nor tails of the place, will have to go back again in the future.

Slept for the six hour bus ride over there. A long bus journey, left me with a bit of a crick in the neck I do declare. Permanently disjointed, perhaps but six hours of sleep is worth any amount of disfigurement. Disembark the well air conditioned vehicle into a sterile yet grimy looking bus terminal, with that beautiful white LED lighting favoured by functional buildings. With a few hours to kill until “check in” I set about the primary mission which was to hunt down some djing equipment to quell the boring spell oft encountered in the mountain town.

Emerge from this grimy terminal into oppressive midday heat and humidity. Immediately set off on the mission, to an area called denden town which is meant to have used electronic as well as music stores - could not possibly be missing an electronic piece of misic equipment right? Absolutely dead wrong, several hours of wandering in and out of various establishments can attest to an absolute dirth of what is required. I have killed several hours of my life on the now fruitless hunt and have been well and truly grimed up in the process. The feeling of the smog in the city is either physically palpable or psychological placebo having been in some elevated fresh air for a time now. Do some dejected wandering noting which areas are busy and not in the daylight. Head up toward the dotunburi area and have a little stop on the main tourist bridge, which is busy but not overly so. Across the river from this area is a rather dense warren of streets that are fairly dead and dejected but plenty of establishments boasting pink neon and posters of partly clad pin up girls, conclusion, in a greasier area. Start to ramble back south and belly starts to rumble.

I stop for the famous okonomiyaki on the way to checking in. I am not fully sure how they make it but it is delicious. A lot of vegetables piled into layers, with what i think was egg, noodle and cheese piled on top of each other and baked into some sort of (pan)cake creation. On top of this juicy and satisfying cake is a solid layer of pork rashers, really well cooked, so that it is crispy on the outside and melting in with the cake on the interior. Lovely dash of seasoning in there as well, again no idea what it was but well worth the 6euro price tag. Continue plodding along, mood certainly not as dour as pre-feeding.

Reach the apartment for check in. Just a few codes and a lockbox to enter, prompting the curiosity surrounding the need for a check in time - no app that tells you when it is cleaned and ready ? Only a strict cut off and on time for the massively complex task of opening a lockbox:( First priority after touring the one room, hall/kitchenette and seperate toilet shower rooms is obviously washing the filthy carcass. Consume plenty of water then head out into the descending night.

As ever, walk aimlessly in circles and zigzags to figure out the surroundings for a few hours then begin to head towards the more lively tourist areas. Stopping now for a bit longer on this dotunburi area. Much more hectic now with the darkness fully descended. Neon, noise and no soul honestly. Apparently this area is the one of the main attraction in the city, the (in)famous running glico man being the draw. It is just an advertisement for a company? That makes sweets? Some fairly serious irony in that but aside from that, why is the main draw a strip of advertisements, same weird corrupted attraction that times square holds. Just a monument to and celebration of consumption and commercialism. Has its place but the hype in these streets, dissected by a canal, bordered on hysteria. Generic bars, tour boats, the whole shebang. Baffles me quite honestly. The sheer amount of selfies and photos being taken just in that canal could easily fill a data center, leading me to the interesting conclusion that we have all gone quite insane. Taking a bajillion photos of an advertisement for a ginormous sweet company (which is owned by an even bigger fucker called mondelez by the way), either all these people (myself included) are retarded for coming to gaze up at it and have the brand surgically implanted in our brains or the glico marketing department 80 years ago had some serious forward thinking employees or it just happens to be the biggest neon board in the centre of a big city, who knows. Regardless this bridge links up to an even larger vein of mass hysteria in the form of an enclosed shopping street which goes all the way back down toward my apartment. Walking in this vein is actually like being a blood cell transported through a living system, the roof above you contains the atmosphere and the noise, which just blends to a dull hum, and the cells travel almost uniformly guided by some larger circulatory system. I had cut in and out of this vein a few times earlier without realising it was all connected, a sprawling shopping artery going through the city centre, some cells going in to sustain the function of the shop organs and dumping the remainder into capillary streets of restaurants and connecting alleys. I join a stream of flesh going in the direction of so called 'america-mura' apparently an america inspired (again) tourist area (lovely).

If i was genuinely looking for an america theme town i'd have felt hard done by. Place was the same exact city except one building had a mini statue of liberty on it. I must have missed the point entirely or missed the american parts because i did not feel very liberated or free-speeched or trigger happy for that matter. Did not even see a macdonalds:( Anyhow, at this point ive completey sweated through all my clothing again, lovely, so i head back toward apartment and stop into one of these so called izakayas for something to gnaw on. Am happy to say it was a lot of locals and no seats. Stand at the counter beside some folks enjoying skewers and ask for the recommendations. Result is a pig heart skewer. I have to say it was absolutely delicious, alternating layers of meat and fat which melted together very nicely and seasoned with god knows what but it was spicy and salty and sweet and peppery (chili sugar saltand pepper perhaps0.o). Chew this down and ask the surrounding units what types of places locals go etc etc. Acquire some maps locations and slink back out into the grime. Pass through the shopping artery again on the way home and cut down a capillary which is, unfortunately, selling the last of the days seafood in open air stalls, one can imagine the smell in that particular area. Make it back home after some liquid pit stops and shower oneself again.

Head into the night again in search of mischief this time. After some wandering follow an inviting sign reading 'aquavit' down a very quiet alley and am pleasantly surprised with a respite from the outer chaos in the form of a 6 seater bar, stocked full of spirits from all across the globe. Enjoy this relaxed setting, some light jazz, some light cigarette smoke in the air from fellow patrons and some stunted but flowing conversation with the barman who has owned the place for 27 years. You can really tell it is his pride and joy, every part of the place is a reflection of himself in some way and he is also, in some ways the bar itself. A different person there behind the bar with the same outfit/job description would not be the same experience. Many many stories of patrons from around the world as well as displays of the liquor they recommended to him which he seems to have stocked at a fair expense over the years. Place is like an antique bar, all wood panelling and sparkly crystal glasses. I think I could have sat there (there was also air con) for a few hours if not for the fact he had to close. Leave this gem, aquavit, a nice call back to being too locked in Sweden and begin the wander a bit more, when i am happily surprised to receive a call from the grandfather.

As is always the case i make a reservation on a stone step for the next hour and shoot the shit across the usual range of topics. He does most of the shooting of course, long winding monologues about the pylon companies, government corruption, women, the folly of man, returning to the dirt, the weather, the rain, the glasshouse, the machines, working, the rain, neighbourly disputes from 30+ years ago, work disputes from 30+ years ago, trump, the potatoes, the blight in the potatoes, the work that needs doing, the weather and ''how are you doing cal?'' to both start and finish any number of topics. It is truly a wonder the capacity of some people to generate and articulate speech. Some of the most educational discussions really despite their wandering nature, nearly80 years of life experience condensed into a single mind, a source of wisdom in many ways and invaluable insights into how life has changed for people over the course of one life. Eventually hang up and head on to a nightclub. One of these Academy or d2 type of places, a real pit of humanity. As is usually the case in these places, there is no coherence to the music, the drinks, the people or the layout of the place. Literally just a collection of rooms to cram people in like cattle and fill them with alcohol, in exchange for the hopes of some ay ay and the contents of a wallet. Swiftly leave this hole in the ground and venture into another hole in the ground with a bit more oomph to it.

A fairly understated street facing door with just two words written in marker above the handle indicate this place is public. Head in and down some stairs into a purposefully poorly lit small dancefloor, set of decks behind antler horns, bar boasting snake shots (Big jug of liquor with a pickled venomous snake coiled in the bottom of it) which is rapidly given to me for free (who would willingly buy it i guess) with a sapporo. Bop around in here for a bit and talk to the owner for a good while, then head home to rest the legs, stopping by the glico man on the way back to check what he looks like with less crowds (picture below). By the time i have reached home, put up about 40,000 steps on the day. Feet are feeling the ache so i soak them in the bath then sleep for what i initially thought would be 5/6 hour and id be up and at it again but alas no. Sleep through all alarms and awake at the ripe of hour of 13:40 roughly. Feet are bolloxed, soak them again for another few minutes and set off. Eat a fairly decent burger actually, Osaka burger, had a bit of soy etc in it. Now i head toward the Osaka castle. Bang out another hour of walking up there to discover the queue is about a mile long and the wait time overshoots the closing time. Have a bit of a rest and stare at this big gleaming structure. It is very impressive, situated on a height with a massive moat surrounding it. Apparently a pretty important symbol of Japanese unification originally built in the early 1600s but repeatedly destroyed and razed to the ground etc during different power struggles over the years, perhaps the ground itself is more symbolic than the structure. Refurbished during Meiji restoration like many other castles and cultural structures. Take a singular picture here, still disturbed by the spectacle at the glico man, and set off for another hour walk. Usual shower and soak the feet then find some non sweat-soaked clothing to adorn myself in.

Arrange to meet a friend from the locality who kindly agrees to show me around for the night. Start with soem really delicious food. I do not recall the names but it included a lot of thick noodles in a creamy/spicy sauce and chicken, Did a good job filling the stomach. Go to a couple of different hole in the wall type bars which are nice then a decent nightclub with a couple of english dudes playing some vinyls. Friend leaves at this point so i am once again left to my own devices. Do a good bit of body popping and head bopping much to others dismay. Leave here rather late, and head home, another solid days walking done now, feet are certainly feeling the wear and tear but it is a good feeling, earned what you saw and heard. Sleep and awake early for checkout. Luckily do not have a long walk to the bus but a bit of a wait. Bail into another izakaya for what turned into one of the best eating experiences i have had. It sounds greasy but the accommodating staff shoved me in between two older japanese geezers who had plates literally filled with red meat and bowls of rice in front of them. Hand me one of these cooled towels to wipe the grime off me and a little savoury appetiser (later find out this is a sauce not an appetiser). We three are seated right up on top of the bar/counter looking over it into where the staff are busying themselves. Geezer on the left looks fairly unbothered by my presence, geezer on the right highly concerned. I point at left geezers plate when asked what i would like, a plate literally just stacked with cuts of beef and a self service mini wooden log (like a latvian log almost) with embers in it and a little metal grid on top. Right geezer now visibly twitching. Plate of meat arrives accompanied by log and asahi dry (nice bonus). Begin eagerly piling meat onto the grill and eating into it before the right geezer interrupts with a hand outstretched. Has a discussion with the waiter and out comes rice, various condiments and a signal to proceed. Then proceed to learn how to eat slowly at the behest of this stressed gentleman who had no english but could communicate very well without words, demonstrating how long to cook the meat and which sauces etc, what amount of rice etc. very nice experience and soaks up about an hour of the wait. Try to pay for the geezers meal but solemnly and stoically refused and dismissed with a wave. Will bear eating pace in mind for future.

Not much else now, walk to the station talk to a few random stragglers, who are hanging about the various areas i loitered and waited in. Not a lot of english and nothing really interesting to report. Get shown to my bus stop (everything is in japanese) by a few friendly young lads and climb into my seat for the next six hours of sleeping. Try lie the other way this time to readjust the crick in the neck but it doesn't seem to work that way in terms of the physical skeleton and ligaments. Arrive in the takayama central bus station and embark on the final walk home stopping for some liquids along the way. Thoroughly enjoyable weekend but quite bewildering to be in a place with so much activity, head was a bit rattled heading into work the next day.

Aside from last weekend, not a lot happened. Been some heavy heavy weather, big lightning claps, loud thunder and serious rain followed by 35 degree days. Two funny instances in work, one being a sharp knock on the staffroom window earlier with one of the groundskeepers holding up the limp body of a snae which he apparently caught and killed. Apparently it was a poisonous one too. Pretty impressive to catch the little squirmer without taking any damage. Next incident was a basic set piece in the classroom which revolved around 'disaster preparation' in english. The teacher of course chose me as the example person being the english speaker in the room. What made it funny is that even the most phrases in a childs textbook are things i have neither thought about nor prepared for so it cracked me up to hear 'Callum has no idea what to do in a typhoon' ' Callum needs to stay away from rivers' 'Callum needs to find out where his emergency evacuation shelter is'. Coupled with the warning that they do actually get bad, not like the last one and the ominous sounding 'they will come soon' I will do a bit more on that front.

Cheers for reading, few boring weeks coming up so maybe you can reread this a couple of times.

Few photos:

Osaka castle and Brú na Bóinne???????? Surely an irish company, never looked it up but wtf they doing there

Dirty GlicoBoi in all his resplendent glory